Priorities

While scrolling through the pictures of several young women on facebook, I noticed a trend. Among pictures of the new house, or the new husband, were pictures of new jewelry. Of course it's common to see engagement ring shots, but the pictures I am beginning to see are from young married couples. While I love my wedding/engagement rings very much, when you see all of the fancy things these couples are buying for (one year!) anniversary presents, jealousy is quick to rear it's ugly head. I find this small voice whispering...

I wish I had extra money to buy that-- or just a little extra money to buy anything!

I wish I could have something new.

I wish I could just pick out something I liked and buy it, without a second thought.

But thankfully, I just hear this voice for a second. I cannot afford to buy jewelry because I do not work. These couples with money to burn are from dual income families. My sweet husband works seemingly nonstop to give me the chance to stay home. Why? To raise and disciple our son, and to keep our home.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19-21

Sure, we spent an *extra* $4,000 last year, over our very tight budget. For jewelry? No way! For medical expenses due to my high risk pregnancy, and extra monitoring for Abel's multi-cystic kidney. Oh, how I would spend that money on my son over and over for him to be healthy, and both of us to be cared for!

Praise God we do not have any money to burn! Thank you Lord, for giving me what glorifies You, and not the vain, fleeting desires of my flesh. How precious is my husband! My son! Thank you that my albums are filled with beautiful faces, and not rocks.

Lord, I pray my will be continually conformed to Yours.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4

Our Family

I feel like Reed and I have taken the tinniest step in moving forward with, what we feel, is God's will for our family. I am eager to see how this next chapter in our lives unfolds.

This book arrived in the mail today:

Be praying with us.

Saturday goings-on

Yard sailing this morning turned out to be a flop... so disappointed! Even if it is threatening rain, it seems that everyone cancels. But there's always next week...and, I use poor yard sailing as an excuse to go thrifting :) So after Abel's nap, we're headed back out!

This morning while Daddy worked, Abel and I hit the veggie co-op and picked up 5 lbs of cabbage and collard greens. For $35, we get 24 weeks of veggies, 5 lbs a week. We also get tons of free corn and a pumpkin! The line was long this morning and the pickings were slim, but we regularly buy cabbage at the grocery store (so getting it cheaper here was great) and I'm looking forward to cooking something new (the collards). Usually, I pick our fresh veggies for the week from the grocery store based on sales. My hope is that this summer nearly all our veggies will come from the co-op. Since I'm planning on making Abel's food when he begins eating solids (in 2 months or so) we will be using the extras for that endeavor.

We visited Reed at Starbucks after picking up the vegetables. I love how Abel looks for Reed when we're there, and how once he finds his Daddy, he just stares at him. The typical handful of people stopped me to coo at Abel, saying how precious and sweet he is. I think that in 4.5 months, I have yet to go out without someone stopping me to talk to Abel. I love it! He gets tons of smiles as we walk by people, but I am surprised at how many people actually come up to us to chat with him, and to ask me his name and age. I've been out with lots of babies, and he really gets reactions like I've never seen. It's nice to know that other people agree with how cute I think he is!

Tonight we're watching the son of a couple Reed and I worked with in college. I first watched this little guy when he was only 2 weeks old, and his mom had to go back to school. She and her hubby had class at the same time twice a week, so I took care of him in one of the academic buildings during that time slot. We still watch him occasionally, and have been invited to all three birthday parties. It's been fun seeing him grow, and I'm glad his parents feel comfortable enough with us to still call and ask us to watch him. I'm glad we're able to help out.

Looking forward to Reed getting home this afternoon! I still get so excited when I hear his car pull up :)

Finding Time

Now that Abel is here, I'm realizing pretty quickly what my priorities are- I can find time to sit and stare at my little one, but no time to write on my blog! Now that he is 8 weeks old and I've gotten into a bit of a schedule, I am slowly but surely making time for more things in my day. Things like the household chores my husband had been doing and cooking regularly were the first tasks I needed to fit back in, and the luxuries (like blogging) are trying to work their way into my day, too.

But staring at my baby? And snuggling with my boys? You can be sure I do that everyday :)

How could I resist?

First Outing!

Abel Kenneth is here!

The past two weeks feel like such a time warp to me. This time two weeks ago, I thought I had the stomach flu. Two days later I had an emergency c-section, and at 10:28 PM on January 16th: a little boy! Of course I will go back and share his birth story and my recovery, but I don't want to miss out on other things I want to post until then-- I have a feeling it will take a little while to type up all that has happened.

And all that really matters now is that both Abel and I are home safe and sound. God is so good to us! It is amazing to me that when life seems so out of control and worst-case scenarios pile up, God is not surprised. In fact, He was the one that planned it that way!

After nearly 2 weeks of only being at either the doctor's, the hospital, or home, by Tuesday the 26th I really wanted to go out into the 'real world.' I had been in so much pain- and throwing up- since coming home from the hospital, that going out wasn't an option before that. I wasn't even sitting up for long periods of time for a week after Abel was born! But the first day I felt like I had any strength at all, I wanted to go somewhere!

That morning, Abel and I both had doctor's appointments, back to back. I had been hoping to go to Wal-Mart after those appointments, but I was in tears from exhaustion after just going to the doc's. So, Reed vetoed my plans :) But after having a pretty good day, we (okay, Reed) decided I could try again that night. Reed wrapped me up in my Moby Wrap (a baby sling/carrier) at home, because he wanted me to make sure before we left the house that I could carry Abel without hurting my incision.



We went to Wal-Mart first. This consisted of me sitting on various benches throughout the store, while Reed ran around to fill the basket. This was great because I was able to tell him where everything was, and I was able to go out, but I didn't have to walk around too much :) A few different people stopped me to ask about the baby, and I was thankful that no one tried to touch him (he was only 10 days old!). Reed picked me up at the door, and then I decided I could handle Starbucks! I figured sitting and having coffee does not involve walking around, and we could leave as soon as I wanted.





When we walked in, I almost cried! It smelled so good and felt so cozy! I am in Starbucks (where Reed works) almost every day; sometimes I just bring a book and sit for hours while he is working. I know this sounds weird, but it was honestly so awesome to be there after having been away for so long. And, we were able (pun not intended) to show off Abel to some of Reed's co-workers.





When I watched baby Michael, I would bring him in a sling to Starbucks when he was tiny. I loved having his sleeping baby company while I read and soaked up Reed's company from afar. I am so excited that now I can bring my baby with me. I have wanted that for so long!


This trip though, was more of a date with Reed :) Abel slept while Reed and I enjoyed hot drinks and each other's company. We sat and talked for a long time- I so throughly enjoy my hubby's companionship. It was such a blessing to sit in a quiet place, with yummy drinks, and focus on my husband. Reed even showed off the baby to a couple 'regulars,' which I know was fun for him.





I wonder where we'll go next? I think I could handle another little outing :) But, they are calling for snow this weekend so we'll probably just stay at home. Reed is even off of work this weekend!

I just love spending time with my boys!

Happy Birthday, Reed!

On Friday, the 11th, my best friend turned 23! Happy Birthday, Reed!

A few months back, we had decided to go to Nags Head when the rates dropped, which just happened to be on his birthday weekend. So, we left on Thursday morning, and came back Saturday night. We had a such a good time! Reed and I had only been away for 1 night together since our honeymoon (on a mini-trip to Charlottesville earlier this summer, which was also awesome) and we really enjoyed going to the beach together.


The hotel we stayed in had a very large bird named Sabrina that lived in the lobby. She was pretty neat, and the door to her cage was left open. There was a huge sign behind Sabrina, warning us that she bit. But as we walked up to her, she balanced herself on one leg, offering me the other. So, of course, I picked her up and of course, she bit me. The lady at the check in counter yelled at Sabrina and tried to spray her with water so Sabrina would let me go, but she got me instead.


The first night, we spent way too much $$$ on a seafood buffet. We both really wanted to get some good seafood (okay, me more than Reed, but he's a nice guy) though afterwards decided the money would have been better spent at our favorite Italian restaurant here in Lynchburg. You live and learn!

The second day, I woke up to Reed reading his Bible in the corner, and he handed me some coffee when my head popped up. (At home, he hands me tea:) I was enjoying some Food Network while Reed read, and then his phone rang. It was his parents calling to wish him a happy birthday, I could hear over the phone. I felt so terrible! I had forgotten! I mean, I had only been awake for maybe a half an hour, but I had made such a big deal about his birthday the night before. When Reed got off of the phone, he told me that he had forgotten it was his birthday too, until he opened up his Bible reading plan and saw the date. He said maybe if I had read my Bible instead of watching Food Network, I would have remembered too :)

After figuring out that it was Reed's birthday, we went out for a drive. We ate a snack at Duck doughnuts, went to a few shops looking for a charm for my bracelet, and then ate at a local bagel place for lunch. Though it was overcast, we put on our swim suits and hit the beach with our books in hand. We ended up staying much later than we meant to, and both of us are now crispy from the sun that decided to come out.



Toni reading on the beach
Reed reading on the beach


That night we grabbed a pizza for dinner, and hung out in the room. We had planned on going back out and flying kites on the beach, but I had migraine # 1 out of 3 on this short little trip that night, so we just stayed in.

The next morning, after packing up our room and saying goodbye to Sabrina, I had another migraine. I tried to be tough, so we went and got fries after checking out, in spite of the migraine. This was a bad decision, as the fries I ate ended up all over the parking lot in my attempt to throw up in the grass. Ugh.

We had wanted to eat at a pancake house we spotted in town, but I was too scared to eat before we got in the car for 6 hours (during which I had another migraine!!). So, we took some pictures in huge beach chairs instead:









Goodbye Nags Head! We had a great time! We'll be back!

This Momentary Marriage- Piper

A post on this subject, marriage, is daunting to me.

I recently read "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper, and was comforted by his hesitation to address the subject as well. "I waited 40 years to write this book. There have been so many stresses in our marriage that I felt unfit to write about marriage at 10, 20, or 30 years into it. Now at 40 years, I realize we will never have it all together, so it seemed a good time to speak."

I have only been married for nearly 3, and I don't think I'll have as much wisdom as Piper even when I have been married for 40 years. But I read somewhere when I was first married that we should always be passing on what we have learned; somewhere there is someone who has experienced less than you... even if you have only been married a day longer than your listener.

Of course, there are many aspects to marriage: the practical, the spiritual, the enjoyable, the sacrifice. I just wanted to share a few things I learned, or things that were brought back to my attention, while reading Piper's "This Momentary Marriage."

1) Marriage is a parable, which exists for His glory

This topic alone, and it's implications, could be a book by itself... but I'll keep it short. Piper says throughout his book that, "The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God's glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ's covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream" (pg.25).

The primary purpose is not for physical or emotional satisfaction, though those things are important and God does use a successful marriage to bless us in these ways. The purpose is not to have a successful financial relationship, to stick around as long as you are 'happy,' or to live together and put on smiling face as long as the kids are in the house, though the world may promote marriage as these things. Marriage is ultimately about living a parable, demonstrating the relationship of our Lord and Savior Christ, and His bride the Church. The conclusions that should be evident in our relationships because of this fact are many: leadership and submition, sacrifice and devotion, respect, honor, and love, delight and joy. How would your marriage look if you, wife, treated your husband the way you would Christ? And how would your marriage look, husband, if you loved and cared for your wife the way Christ does for His bride?

If we are living in our marriage relationships in such a way that we are daily conforming to His will for the relationship, we are learning to portray Christ and the Church to all who view our marriage. By using this aspect of our lives to point to Christ, we glorify Him.

2) Marriage is permanent
This point is a repercussion of the first. If you understand marriage to be a symbol of Christ and His bride, the issue of divorce becomes very clear. When has Christ left His bride? Piper explains, "if Christ ever abandons and discards the church, then a man may divorce his wife. And if the blood-bought church, under the new covenant, ever ceases to be the bride of Christ, then a wife may legitimately divorce her husband. But as long as Christ keeps His covenant with the church, and as long as the church, by the omnipotent grace of God, remains the chosen people of Christ, then the very meaning of marriage will include: What God has joined, only God can separate" (pg. 159).

Piper explains that the only way to truly dissolve a marriage is for one of the two to die, because there is no marriage in heaven (Matt. 22:30). To understand marriage as a permanent thing that only God can dissolve (and on this side of heaven He will not), the words Jesus spoke in Luke make complete sense: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery" (Luke 16:18). Jesus is not trying to punish the divorced by saying that their post-divorce relationships are adultery. He is saying that these people are not actually divorced, because marriage only ends upon the death of a spouse! So indeed, it is an adulterous act to wed another while your spouse is still living. (As a side note, of course there are life threatening situations where perhaps grievous sin is being committed in your home, and for safety you cannot live with your spouse. While leaving is not ideal but might be necessary for safety, divorce is not an option.) Piper attempts to address several "What if?" questions in the chapters about divorce. I do not claim to understand it all, nor have an answer for all the questions, and neither does Piper. However, I would encourage you to read the book if you had more questions.

3) Marriage is a covenant

This concept, that marriage is a covenant and not a conditional contract, has a profound impact on the spiritual aspect of marriage, as well as the day to day lives of two sinners struggling to reflect Christ. Because marriage is a covenant, it is permanent, as is Christ's love for the church. It is neither feelings nor actions based, but remains in place in spite of bad emotions or sinful deeds. On a daily basis, this means that both husband and wife are called to remain faithful to their spouse no matter what the other has done. Even beyond remaining faithful, each spouse is called to serve the other in spite of how they feel that day, or if their spouse has been grouchy. While it is difficult to rise above circumstances, and even more difficult sometimes to recognize that our sin is our own responsibility, (even though it might be response to a sinful spouse) we are still called to uphold our end of the covenant and serve our spouse faithfully.

Another wonderful daily benefit about covenant keeping love is that it should banish fear and insecurity. No matter how terribly we acted, or how ashamed we are of something, we can be confident our spouse will not leave, and will accept us with open arms. How comfortable (and comforting) it is to be in fellowship with someone who loves you unconditionally! I know that personally, that is a huge comfort to me. No matter how I look, what I've done or not done, what I've said or not said, I am not just tolerated, but prized by my husband.

Piper explains, "Amazingly, in the very context of the collapse of the covenant between God and man, and the collapse of the marriage covenant between Adam and Eve, God points by His mercy to the redemption that marriage itself is designed to display. God's design for marriage as a display of covenant-keeping mercy was not an afterthought. After the Fall, God did not have to redesign marriage. He knew what He had created in Genesis 2:24. And he knew what would happen in Genesis 3. The design of marriage, the fall of marriage, and the implied redemption of marriage all serve to tell us what marriage is for. Marriage exists to display the merciful covenant-keeping love of Christ and the faithfulness of His bride" (pg. 38).


------------------------------

My marriage is my favorite blessing from God (apart from my salvation) and I am so very aware of how richly He has blessed me. When I walk in the door to a note from my husband, when I am comforted by him through both the tiny and the life-shaking alike, when I am challenged by him to read though the Bible in a year, to post meaningful things on my blog, and to not waste my free time, when I doubt in the future, but can trust God to lead me through the leadership of my husband,and when I lay next to Reed at night in complete comfort and rest, through all these things I am genuinely in awe that this is only a taste of what is to come.

That the Lord loves me more.

That no matter how wonderful my relationship with Reed is, it was designed to portray something greater.

What an awesome responsibility. I am so thankful for the man I share this responsibility with, but even more thankful to the God who designed this for us.

Piper shares hopes that he, "might wake you up to consider a vision of marriage higher and deeper and stronger and more glorious than anything this culture- or perhaps even yourself- ever imagined. The greatness and glory of marriage is beyond our ability to think or feel without divine revelation and without the illumining and awakening work of the Holy Spirit. The world cannot know what marriage is without learning it from God. The natural man does not have the capacities to see or receive or feel the wonder of what God has designed marriage to be. I pray that this book might be used by God to help set your free from small, worldly, culturally contaminated, self-centered, Christ-ignoring, God-neglecting, romance-intoxicated, unbiblical view of marriage" (pg. 21).

What's Next?

Since Reed and I married, we had assumed that post-graduation plans would include Reed working full time, and me continuing my education while I worked for a couple years. Then I would quit my job to become a stay at home mom. But this past year, we have been giving more and more thought to these plans. Two major problems with it were 1) Reed wanted to go into ministry, and so he needed to continue his education, and 2) we wanted to have children a lot sooner!

We first made the decision for me to stay home right after graduation instead of going to work, and began trying for a baby. That was a very easy decision, for both of us! While it hadn't always been that way, and the timing of our family was something we had gone in circles about before, it is amazing to see what the Lord does in each of our hearts when it is His timing! There is no use struggling against your spouse when you disagree about major decisions, the Lord will give peace in time about whatever decision He supports. (That, and the Bible has a lot to say about struggling against your husband- Proverbs 21:19, Ephesians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:33). When you stop fighting for your will, and submit to God's, you know you are living your life for His glory and not your own. Our first little one will be joining us in January, and we can't wait!

The second decision, about Reed continuing his education, was a little bit more difficult to make. Where would he go? When? What degree would he pursue? Why? Where would he work while in school? We chipped away at these questions one by one, until we finally decided that he would apply to Southern Seminary in Louisville, KY for the fall of 2010. He will pursue his Masters of Divinity, and is seeking to go into full time ministry after graduation. Though Reed will be a full time student, he will also need to be working as close to full time as he can. So, he is hoping to transfer to a Starbucks in KY because of their wonderful insurance, flexible schedules, and his love of coffee :)

So for now, we have both graduated and are working just under full time hours. We are soaking up this time we have as the only two in our family because we know time together will be precious after the baby is born. As excited as we are about baby joining us, we do not want to rush through this precious phase- this school free, child free time. After the baby comes, I will just be working just one of my part time babysitting jobs and will be bringing baby with me. Other than that I'll be home! We will move (Lord willing) to KY in June when our lease here is up, and Reed will begin seminary in the Fall. I hope to find at least 2 children to watch full time in my home, because we won't be able to live on Reed's Starbucks income alone.

So there you go! Our tentative plans for the next year or so. An adventure awaits us!

We're Pregnant!

It's true! We found out yesterday that we're having a baby! Reed and I are so thrilled, and feel so blessed that the Lord is allowing us to become parents. We were very surprised, as we had only been trying one month. It is still early in the pregnancy (5 weeks tomorrow) but we are sharing this information already because we would love it if our brothers and sisters in Christ could be praying for the health of myself and our little one. Due to my autoimmune disorder, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, both my baby and I are at a high risk for many complications, the most devastating of which are still birth or late term miscarriage. Of course, we know the Lord is able to do whatever He pleases with this child; Reed and I desire to give God the glory no matter what happens with our lives, and that includes this pregnancy as well.

Taken from the Antiphospholipid Syndrome Foundation of America's Website: "Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome or APS is an autoimmune disorder in which the body recognizes certain normal components of blood and/or cell membranes as foreign substances and produces antibodies against them."

You can read more about what this means for my baby and I during pregnancy here.

Thank you for your prayers! We are thrilled about meeting little Abel Kenneth or Michaela Reed sometime in the Fall.

Sacred

I have never made a post just to share a song, but I came across this one the other day and I really liked it. This song, Sacred by Caedmon's call, is the first song I have ever heard about the work of being a homemaker and stay at home mom. No matter what you are doing with your life, the purpose and reason for doing it should be to bring glory to God. Being the primary and only caregiver, with the opportunity to personally disciple your children on a full time basis and to train up their hearts, might seem to be an obvious service to the Lord. However wiping noses, preparing dinner, and doing the dishes day in and day out might not. This song is a good reminder of 1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

You can listen to the song here. (Clicking this will take you away from my blog. If you do click it, scroll down on that site to read the lyrics as you listen to the song.)

Sacred

this house is a good mess
it’s the proof of life
no way would I trade jobs
but it don’t pay overtime

I’ll get to the laundry
I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight
cause tomorrow it starts again

could it be that everything is sacred?
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

the children are sleeping
but they’re running through my mind
the sun makes them happy
and the music makes them unwind

my cup runneth over
and I worry about the stain
teach me to run to You
like they run to me for every little thing

when I forget to drink from you
I can feel the banks harden
Lord, make me like a stream
to feed the garden

wake up, little sleeper
the Lord, God Almighty
made your Mama keeper
so rise and shine
rise and shine cause

everything is sacred
and all this time
everything I’ve dreamed of
has been right before my eyes

Happy Valentine's Day

If all someone knows about me is the life and death of my Savior, and the reputation of my Godly husband, then I am pleased.

I am blessed to be the daughter of the Savior, and honored to bear my husband's name.

Lord, thank you for enabling us to know love, in that you loved us first. For being the example of selfless, unconditional love, and of sacrifice. Thank you for giving me the love and devotion of a husband who strives to love me like You do. I pray that I willingly, humbly, and wholeheartedly submit to my husband, as to the Lord.

Happy Valentine's Day! I love you, Reed.

1 John 4:19 "We love because He first loved us."

Romans 5:8 "but God showed His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord"

Whoops

How did I ignore this blog for a month? I feel like I've abandoned my creation :( So many times since December I have thought, "Oh, that would make a good post" or "I need to snap a picture of that to put up." But alas, here I am a month later with no new postings. The longer I didn't post, the more difficult it became to come back! I felt like I needed to come back with an increasingly more important blog the longer I stayed away. Well, here I am with nothing of great importance:

As I said in my last post, I did have a hematologist appointment, in preparation for pregnancy. But after waiting for 2 hours,and charging me a 40 co-pay I might add, the doctor just drew blood and sent me home. He is new to me, and said that he needs my past files before we can sit down and talk about special pregnancy precautions. I go back next Monday.

In other news, my mom and little brother came down to VA to spend some time with us. Clee (my brother) came down for about 2 weeks and my mom for one. It was nice to all be together on Mike's one year anniversary. I cannot believe it's been a year since he died! What a strange feeling to look back on this year, and realize he is not a part of all these new memories. The Lord has been good to us, but I don't think something like loosing a family member is ever easy.

I have also started couponing and CVS-ing as of late. I have a coupon book all organized, and I use it every week! If you're not sure what CVS-ing is, you should head over to this blog It is a wonderful way to get most of your toiletries for free! I am still learning, and trying to spend as little out of pocket as possible, but I can already tell that I'll never have to buy toothpaste again! I am learning from manyof the frugal blogs I read about how to be a good steward of the money God has blessed our family with. Not that it's a lot, but it's more than we really need! We really are learning about how to live on less, and how your priorities in life really are reflected in what you do with your money.

It felt good to catch up! I plan on updating more often now :)

Preparing

Now that dh and I have been married for nearly two years, and are nearly finished with school, we no longer see any reason to postpone the addition of children to our family. We have arrived at this decision after much prayer, discussion, and consideration! Obviously, there will never be any 'perfect' time to have a child because life is alway crazy, finances can change any time, and trials are always right around the corner. But we both see children as a blessing and feel that waiting any longer, for us, would be a selfish reason at the core: wanting to further our careers, buy a house first, find financial 'stability.' But this wasn't a 'pros' vs. 'cons' decision, we both love children and are very excited about having our own! I have always wanted to be a SAHM, and recently have felt even more like that is my responsibility as a Christian wife, but it would be difficult without kids of our own :)

We have always known that this would be a difficult journey for us, as I hinted to in my first post when I said I would track our 'trials' in this area. I have the blood clotting disorder Anti-Phospholipid Syndrome (http://www.apsfa.org/aps.htm ) which causes my blood to clot. I had a clot in my lungs when I was 15 after a broken leg, which caused the discovery of my APS. Since I found out that I have APS, I've known that I am at risk for pregnancy complications, the most devastating being miscarriage. My primary physician recommended that I see an OB before we even start TTC.

A few weeks ago I had my first appointment. I was surprised to find that my doctor was very positive about this future pregnancy, because I had read many intimidating things that other women with APS had gone through. This is what I learned from my first appointment:

• I will need to be on self-injected Lovenox before we even start TTC because I have a history of APS, and I've already had a clot
  
• I will need to be induced a little early (around 39 weeks) so that the doctors can make sure I have no blood thinning agents in my blood (Lovenox/ asprin) during the delivery
• If I go into labor before they induce, an emergency c-section would be very dangerous, and I would not have the option of an epidural
• For 6 weeks after having the baby, I myself will be at a high risk for clots. So, I will continue to give myself injections for 6 weeks after the birth to prevent one.
  

I see my hematologist next week and will be able to make sure he is on the same page as my OB.

Please pray as we begin this journey. Dh and I are comforted that we know the One who is in control of all of this, and that He already knows our future!

December 31, 2007

I wrote this post 2 days after my (step) Dad Mike died on New Year's Eve last year. It was originally posted to another blog, but I wanted to share it here, as well.

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For those of you who know my family, you know the history of health problems my (step)dad Mike had. For over 10 years, he has fought cancer, gone through a bone marrow transplant, fought graft vs. host disease, was listed for a lung transplant, diagnosed as having a failing heart, kidneys, and liver, diagnosed with melanoma, and finally had 2 heart attacks.

This past weekend, I received a call from my mom saying that Mike wasn't doing well, and had to be rushed to the hospital. Reed and I were there by Sunday, and spent the night with Mike in the hospital, who was on a respirator at this point, so that my mom (who had a fever of 102) could go home to get some rest. After an exhausting night, the next day my mom came back, we (my mom, Reed, and I) decided to take Mike off of the respirator. He struggled with a lot of pain and discomfort over the weekend, and had expressed that he was aware that death was near in the past few months, because he knew that the fight was coming to an end. At this point in his fight, there was no hope for him to recover, due to the melanoma, his lungs in such terrible condition, and a myriad of other problems. He never would have survived off of the respirator, and died a few minutes after we turned it off.

He was surrounded by family and friends. I was there, and I have never been through a weekend so mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausting. But, I know that my family did the right thing.

While this is an extremely difficult time for my family, we are fully aware of where Mike is. Jesus says "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." (John 5:24)

While we miss him, terribly, we miss him out of selfishness. We miss him for our own sakes, as a father and husband. But we know that while he was living, he was in constant pain, particularly struggling this last weekend. We also know that he is in Heaven now, in the company of our Savior, and the pain he experienced here pales in comparison to the life he is living now. My family is far happier that he is pain free, enjoying the glory of God in heaven, than sad because we miss him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 says "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope."

Thanks be to God who gives us hope! By believing in the life, death, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, my dad has entered into eternal glory. I know that one day I will be joining him, because Christ is my savior as well. This world is so temporary, and that fact was really brought to my attention this weekend. If we are not living to bring praises to God, then what is the point?

Death is not the exception, life is. Thank you God, for giving us life, and I pray that we will live it for You.